So Good To See You: A Collection of Parodies
by You're either Amy or jealous
Summary: A collection of parodies. So far includes So Good To See You and Ninja Harry. Every chapter is a One Shot.
1. So Good To See You

It was the first of September. Students milled everywhere on platform nine and three quarters. Hermione Granger bumped into a tall, dark haired man, almost falling over, and gasped.

"Harry! So good to see you!" she squealed. He turned and smiled, his perfect white teeth shining and his greener than grass eyes smiling. His black hair, always uncontrollable, looked like a separate entity living on his head but carefully parted to show off that famous scar. He was a billion feet tall and had more muscles than Hercules from playing Quidditch all summer. Nobody remembered that he was the Seeker, which required him to sit on a fast broom and grab a ball once a game, not to actually move.

"Hermione, so good to see you too," he purred, and he meant it. Hermione had changed over the summer too. Her boobs were bigger than her head, easily, and she looked practically anorexic because her waist was so small. Her eyes were like twin pools of diarrhea, so liquidly brown. Her hair was waist length and completely straight, not to mention dyed several different colors. She wore nothing but a skimpy white bikini and stiletto heels and had piercings up the wazoo. Nobody asked why she didn't have clothes on in the train station.

All these combined to make her easily the hottest girl in the whole entire universe. Ron Weasley appeared through the wall and came over to the reunion. He clapped a hand to Harry's shoulder. "Harry, Hermione," he boomed, "so good to see you." Hermione almost fainted at the sight of Ron. He was still around seven or eight feet tall, but the rest of his body was no longer gangly. His arms and torso rippled with muscles like bananas mating. His red hair was being worn long now, coming down over his forehead and getting in his eyes. His blue eyes were bluer than a swimming pool, and his freckles had merged into one giant tan.

Hermione couldn't decide which one had gotten hotter over the summer, which nobody seemed to remember had only lasted 3 months. It was perfectly acceptable for one of them to have grown two feet and the other to have tripled his body weight in muscle, all while playing a game that didn't really require exercise. She was so worked up over comparing her two friends that she didn't notice someone else sneaking up on her until it was too late.

She felt someone pinch her bottom and she whirled around, causing one of her stilettos to snap. She fell over, spraining her ankle in the process. "Oh Merlin," she whined pathetically. She pulled out her wand and muttered a quick healing spell ("_Fixus Anklus_")and another spell to repair her stiletto ("_Fixus Heelus_") and then looked up to see the moron responsible for the entire mess.

A mass of silvery blonde hair leered back down at her. His grey eyes were focused on her boobs which were spilling out of the three square inches of fabric she thought was a shirt. "Damn," Hermione said out loud without meaning to. "Malfoy, you got hot!"

He smirked that trademark smirk that everyone has got to know about by now. "I know, right?" he said. "And I'm head boy too." He helped her up.

"I know, I'm head girl," Hermione said breathlessly. She couldn't stop staring.

"Too bad there's no way in hell people who are in charge of a school would put a male and a female student in the same tower, alone. Honestly, can you believe anyone would leave a pair of teenagers like that all year? Anyway, I've got to be off. _So_ good to see you." He walked away. Hermione stared after him. Inside she knew that she had always hated Malfoy but hey, he was one fine piece of ass now. She added him to her list of men to sleep with, which, other than Draco, consisted of Harry and Ron, because she _had_ become aslut over the summer. She fantasized about them as she boarded the train dreamily.

She walked to the compartment she normally shared with her friends and entertained one last thought of hooking up with the three boys. She pulled open the door and gasped. She couldn't believe her eyes.

Turns out all three of the fine boys on Hermione's list were gay and horny. They hadn't even waited for the train to start moving before piling into one compartment and engaging in a homosexual threesome.

Hermione realized she probably deserved this because of what a whore she'd turned into.

**A/N Sorry to all you who find yourselves dragged into the same fanfic over and over. You know, the usual "Draco got hot. He's head boy. Hermione got hot. She's head girl. Dumbledore lost his brain and makes them live together. They have sex," with the ending that has them falling in love. A pregnant Hermione is always an option too. I just thought I'd point out the ridiculousness of that story. Also, the words to spells in other fanfics are always so stupidly transparent, like "Fixus Heelus" for Hermione to fix the heel of her shoe.**

**Hope you enjoyed. :)**


	2. Ninja Harry

Voldemort smiled. He walked into the house, not bothering to knock. "Hello," he called sweetly. "Is anyone home?" The smile on his face contained no mirth.

James Potter sprang from the armchair in the den, two rooms away from the Dark Lord. "Lily! Take Harry and go!" He pulled out his wand.

"No, James, I can't leave you!" cried his wife, Lily, fear in her huge green eyes. She clasped their only child, Harry Potter, in her arms. Even at the young age of fifteen months, he could sense the wrongness in the air, and was struggling violently in his mother's arms.

"Go! Save yourselves," James pleaded. Voldemort strolled through the door in time to catch one last glimpse of long red hair disappearing up the stairs. He laughed.

"Think you can kill me, Potter?" Lord Voldemort asked innocently. "Think again. _Protego!_" He threw up a magical shield as James fired off a stunning spell. "My Death Eaters have surrounded the area, Potter," he added. "You have nowhere to run, and nowhere to hide." He sidestepped another spell from James. "_Avada Kedavra!_"

Green light flooded the room, and the lifeless body of James Potter slumped to the floor. His wand rolled under the armchair he had occupied only minutes before. Voldemort giggled and stepped over the body to climb the stairs.

Lily whirled around, sobbing, to face the Dark Lord. She no longer held her son, just her wand. "No! Leave Harry. Kill me instead if you must, but not Harry!" At the mention of his name, Harry gurgled in his crib. Lord Voldemort glanced from mother to son.

"I really can't be having with this," he said lightly. "_Avada Kedavra!_" Lily too fell to the floor, dead. Voldemort smiled and crossed the room to where the baby lay, still gurgling. He looked down upon the tiny face eagerly. "Dressed in black, I see," he murmured. "How appropriate."

All of a sudden, baby Harry jumped up and started pummelling Lord Voldemort with his small fists. Surprised, the man stepped back, but the baby did not cease. Harry went into a series of amazing flips and kicks and ended up with Lord Voldemort in a full nelson on the floor.

"What the hell-?" Voldemort gasped in a strangled voice. He attempted to dislodge the infant, but no luck.

"Back off, motherfucker!" squeaked Harry. "My name is Harry Potter. You killed my parents. Prepare to die." Just then Voldemort shook the baby boy off. Standing, he picked up his wand, which had rolled under the crib. Half snarling, he pointed his wand at the infant on the floor. "I don't know what the hell you are," he panted, "but you're going to suffer before you die!"

Harry rolled over, quick as lightning, and smashed the mirror on the wall. He grabbed a sharp shard of glass and aimed it at the Dark Lord just as the Cruciatus curse flew towards the baby. It reflected back at the man, who dropped and rolled on the floor, whimpering in pain. Harry laughed.

Infuriated, the man picked the baby up and held it at arms length. The piece of mirror fell to the floor and shattered. Lord Voldemort smiled horribly, and said, "_Avada Kedavra_!" His smile changed as the spell reflected off the baby's forehead, leaving a lightning bolt shaped gash. Both man and baby fell to the ground, both unconscious as the spell ricocheted around the room, destroying everything in its path. The house fell down soundlessly around the two still living bodies.

Some time later, Sirius Black stood, horrified, staring at the ruins.


End file.
